A and A's Movie A Day

Watching movies until we run out.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

December 6, 2010

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I was not feeling particularly well when we put this in tonight. Just a little woozy and slightly nauseous. This was, perhaps, not the best condition to be in when watching this movie. Surprisingly I’m finding that this movie isn’t quite as horrible as I had heard that it was, but it is pretty awful. I just wish I were watching it in better health than I am.

The problem this movie is that it is pretty much everything from the first movie, just turned up a notch. The Transformers are bigger. The climactic battle is longer and more full of explosions. The entire movie feels about seven hours longer. And the “comedic” bits are more painful.

It takes about an hour for the movie to even begin to get going, which is frustrating. There’s a whole lot of junk at the front end of the movie that should have been jettisoned. They could have cut easily half an hour of the movie if they had skipped Sam’s adventures in college. There he picks up an annoying and totally superfluous sidekick and wigs out because he touched a sliver of the All-Spark which has caused him to start seeing mysterious Cybertronean script. There’s a stupid scene where the All-Spark sliver brings everything in his kitchen to life and Bumblebee destroys the garden (again) and half the house trying to kill the animated vacume cleaner, toaster, waffle iron etc. There’s a terminator in human form sent by the Decepticons to seduce Sam… or something. Sam’s mother eats a pot-laced brownie and instantly becomes totally mental. Ugh. You could skip the entire first half of the movie and not miss a thing because it isn’t until Sam gets caught up in a firefight between a resurrected Megatron and Optimus Prime that anything worthwhile happens.

Megatron manages to actually kill Optimus Prime this time, and that’s really the start of the movie. Megatron’s master – an evil robot who was once a Prime like Optimus until he decided to wipe out all life on Earth and was exiled by his Prime brethren to be “The Fallen” – shows up on Earth and demands that the humans surrender Sam because somewhere in his brain is the location of a key called The Matrix, which will activate a device designed to create the Energon needed to create new generations of Decepticons and in the process extinguish Earth’s sun. Whew. All of this plot exposition is explained to us by an ancient Transformer called Jetfire, who is probably the coolest thing in the movie, even if he is a doddering fool who farts parachutes. (Oh, Michael Bay, how I loathe you.)

Honestly. Somebody tell Michael Bay to stop trying to be funny. It’s killing me. Things this movie could have done without include: the tiny Decepticon that humps Mikaela’s leg worshipfully. The wrecking-ball testicles of the Constructicon beast. Any scene involving Sam’s parents. Any scene involving his roommate Leo. And most of all the pair of horrid harlequin Autobots Mudflap and Skids. I spent the entire movie praying for their gruesome demise and was ultimately disappointed. They were an offense to one-celled organisms and anybody involved in their creation should feel ashamed. I don’t often slag off on hapless animators who are asked to bring to life the half-baked creations of some insane ego-maniac, but really somebody should have stood up to Michael and told him that those big-eared gap-toothed buffoons were the single worst idea committed to film in the last century. I dare you to prove me wrong.

I feel unclean having just watched the portions of the film that involved those two. But with the help of a little brain bleach I’m going to try and forget them and concentrate on the better adventure parts of the movie. Although the climactic battle scene goes on longer than some entire movies we’ve reviewed I have to admit that when Michael Bay concentrates on explosions and military hardware and such his movies are at least entertaining. Testicles aside the Constructicons were awesome and probably my favorite addition to this movie. I always loved the toys back in the day and it was fun to see them re-interpreted for the screen. I also really enjoyed seeing the movie’s interpretation of Ravage – the panther that transformed from a cassette tape which fit inside of Soundwave.

There were parts of this movie that were pretty cool. It’s just a shame that they were buried in garbage and only briefly given a chance to shine. I wonder if anybody has done a “Phantom Edit” of this movie and stripped it down to just the good parts. It would probably be a more reasonable eighty or ninety minutes and it would totally kick ass.


December 6, 2010 - Posted by | daily reviews | , , , ,

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