A and A's Movie A Day

Watching movies until we run out.

Movie Project 377 – Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Resident Evil: Apocalypse – March 12th, 2011

Today we had to watch our movie first thing in the morning as this is our longest convention day of the weekend. And to be honest, I’m really glad we got it out of the way. It’s not the issue of nightmares, which I will get to eventually, so much as it’s the issue of time. I like having it done and over. Now, some movies I wouldn’t say that about and it sort of makes it sound like I don’t want to be watching movies. I do want to be watching movies, I swear! It’s just that some days it’s a little more difficult and some movies just aren’t that interesting. And this is one of those movies.

I would not call this a horrible movie. It has redeeming features and all. But I also wouldn’t call it a good movie. I wouldn’t call it a good movie if you paid me (no one’s paying me). It’s a stupid movie that’s very pretty. It’s got good action and fun special effects and Alice is every bit the bad ass I want her to be, and we have the bonus bad assedness of Jill Valentine. But while I enjoy seeing these ladies and the men who are with them do the immense amounts of damage that they do, there’s no point to it all. It’s an empty movie playing a vehicle for shooting and explosions. That’s all.

The plot is only barely present. There’s a pretense to a plot but it’s flimsy at best. Following on the heels of the first movie, Alice has escaped from the hospital in Raccoon City, where she’s been experimented upon. And then the movie jumps 12 hours, I think? I lost track. The timeline here is fuzzy at best and only when all the characters meet up is it clear who’s doing what, when. So scientists have been evacuated, Alice is loose, so is another creature the Umbrella folks have made, there’s a little girl named Angela – the daughter of one of Umbrella’s scientists – missing in the city, and the city has been walled in and locked up to contain the T-Virus. The scientist manages to reach Alice as well as a couple of S.T.A.R.S. soldiers (S.T.A.R.S. is straight out of the games, being the elite military taskforce that some of the PCs in the games are members of) to tell them to get his daughter from her school and he’ll help them escape. And that? That right there is the plot. It’s a rescue mission and what should be a fairly simple one at that.

Most of the movie involves two groups of survivors – Jill Valentine (a character from the games) and some folks she’s found and then a small group of S.T.A.R.S. soldiers who were left behind – running from place to place, getting attacked, and then running some more. Alice meets up with Jill’s group and helps them out and you know, that’s cool. Alice kicks ass. But lest you think that these people are actually trained and know what the hell they’re doing let me point out that during an outbreak of a virus that reanimates the dead, which can change its transmission type depending on its environment (see, last night’s movie gave info!) Alice and Jill head their group into a cemetery to rest. You can probably imagine how well that goes.

Eventually they get the girl, after some attacks in the school from a bunch of zombified grade schoolers and a lunch lady and oh yes, some doberman pinschers. Okay, I get it. The damn dogs are all over the place in the games and they’re a gigantic pain in the tush. But come on. Why are they at the school, of all places? The answer is, they’re there because it makes for a more invigorating action sequence. So, Angela saved, it’s time for our surviving leads to head off to meet the helicopter the scientist is sending. Oh wait, I mean it’s time for a boss fight with “Nemesis”. Which is what Matt from the last movie now is. Cue what I totally thought was the climactic action sequence. Except it just wouldn’t end! The movie kept reaching perfectly reasonable end points and then having another scene that would lead to another end point.

It is a thoroughly ridiculous zombie action party and while such movies have their places, I’ve got better things to do today than watch a movie that’s really just a prolonged lead-in to a boss fight. And a boss fight with a thoroughly predictable ending, at that. There was nothing surprising in this movie. Even the supposed-to-be-shocking reveal about Angela wasn’t shocking. Instead of going “Oh my god, really?!” I went “Oh. Huh. Okay.” Shock didn’t even enter into it. Which is how this whole movie was. Which is nice when it comes to my dreams, but doesn’t make for a very good zombie movie.

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March 12, 2011 - Posted by | daily reviews | , , ,

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